Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Always Settling for Less

As an Indian middle class woman, I know how it feels like. We are taught a few weird things that are totally against our personal and professional growth. In facrt, these practices are against our general sense of happiness and well being too. Settling for less is just one of these practices that makes us awkward, always dissatisfied beings with a future as dark and bleak as a haunted mansion.

So all of my teen life, I have settled for less. i was asked to feel content with 60% of anything when I wanted at least a 90%. As an obedient 'good girl' I always abided with whatever was being told. I thought that happiness was about keeping everyone else happy. I was so wrong.  Everyone else who 'chose' to be happy by fighting for themselves was happier then and they are happier now.

All that I am left with is this burden to settle for less everytime.

Do you want a phone that costs 60k?

Yes.

Oh! But that 10k phone works as well. We need to save money you know. YOU need to be more understanding. What difference does it make?

But then it is a good phone and it will at least last for more than an year, maybe two or more. That 10k phone will be good for garbage in like 7 months.

Nah! But we can't keep aside some cash for you. You know we need to save. We don't have enough money to fund your luxuries. Buy that phone when you start earning.

But... but... I am already earning and I spent all I had on family. I always do that. Come on! You know it. I just want a good phone. Can I not get what I want? I am old enough for this now.

Please... please... please......

No. SETTLE FOR LESS. You want something? Go for a cheaper alternative. You want a great job? No, no. Go for a jpb that pays enough to fall short of your bills.  You want to live a life? No live a life that your parents lived, with bigger bills and a heart attack at the age of 30.

Why are we being taught to settle for less? I don't want to do that. I don't want to spend according to my earnings. That is the shittiest, dumbest and most limiting idea I have ever come across. I wqnt to earn more than I can spend. My mindset was always about expanding the income and never about limiting the expenditure.

I hate this experience. I hate the fact that we have to tell ourselves that we should be curbing our happiness, our desires and our basic needs just because this forced sense of security is more important. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

I am not saying that the security of a job and a relationship or a family are wrong. Who hates security? It is all okay you know. But when security becomes a limiting factor to your growth and happiness, you have to think about your life goals once again.

Thursday, 9 June 2016

How To Define a Friend

I have had so many friends till date... So many people have become a part of my life and shared memories that will always be cherished. I was always blessed to find people who understood me and I understood them. There were no talks about 'hidden motives' and why people did what they did. We were all good for each other and took care of each other. All was good.

Snap... Today is the day that most people who I have loved dearly in my very young years are gone. The perks of adulthood are finally taking a toll on my life. Look back and you see so many faces smiling at you. Look at the present and all the smiles you find are either fake, hiding contempt or fake, hiding a need to please me. I don't want you to please me. If I am not naturally pleased by you, nothing in the world is going to change that. Understand this.

So it was only yesterday that I was talking about friends, you know the variety that goes for a long drive with you but don't give a damn when you are lonely, sad or depressed. The friends who will laugh with you but will never come to your rescue when you need them. The friends who stay with you for some time and then are gone because they found something better.

I am kinda scared of the kind of people who always say yes. It is like being surrounded by yes men who would ruin your company one day. Of course, the negatives ones should always be kept at bay. But this special variety of optimism should also be dragged out of your life. Maybe you cannot avoid them altogether, but you should definitely  be avoiding their 2 cents of advice. Trust me, their advice is worth nothing but 2 cents in the real sense of the word.

I too have people around me who would gladly say yes to everything I suggest. I have people who would suggest that I am always right. These people are preparing for the ultimate doom where I will make a bad decision and they will be gone for their own good. What kind of friends are they? Opportunists obviously.

She told me yesterday that you should be with people for as long as you want them. She also told me that she does not understand what I feel. God dammit! You claim to be my friend and if you don't understand what I feel, who the hell would? I felt sad at the premise of the story. I was explaining why we are good people and why good people never turn into bad people, no matter what. I was explaining why we all deserve someone good and why we should be good.

I was explaining why we should not be with people because they are good for us or because we can 'use' them. She refused to understand. Of course, she was trying to justify that people have treated her with disrespect and contempt and that is the way of the world that we should blend into. Of course, I was telling her that  blending with the world is just another folly. Of course, I am not such a sinner. 

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Finding A Convenient Love Story

I have said this on many occasions and I will continue saying this till the end of time.

1- Love is sacred and idiots around the world are ruining it all.
2- We were not raised the way we are behaving, or were we?

Talking about convenient love. You know convenient love is that infatuation with a human being that exists because we try to become the brew masters of our heart. We create a situation where we can fall in love, develop feelings, act out on our feelings like there is nothing else in the world that we believe in and then leave as easily when our expectations are not fulfilled. All this while, we are blaming the other person for our loss- a loss that we faced because we tried to become the masters of our romantic destiny in places where it was not needed at all.

Look around you. Do you find love stories or do you find these convenient love stories? Do you find people getting attracted to each other simply because they are the best options available with them at a particular moment? Do you find people are falling in love simply because they 'want to'? It is quite a distressful situation for everyone. We are living in a make-believe world. We are loving people like we are changing wallpapers on our smartphone screens. We are moving on like the past never existed, simply because just like the wallpaper, the feelings were also 'virtual' and nothing was 'REAL'.

I am finding these convenient love stories everywhere. There is absolutely no small number of people who fall in love with practically anyone and everyone they meet. There are more who would fall in love with anyone who said that they 'kinda liked them'. There are many who fall in love simply because they have nothing more dramatic to do and there are many who jump from one love to the other, blaming each 'lover' (well they were practically never lovers because they were never in a relationship, but never mind) for all the failures in their personal life.

I am also coming across a new breed of lovers. People who fall in love and pretend that they feel very deeply for the one they love (I hope they were actually in love once) often claim that they never had a past. This makes me feel awkward at first, uncomfortable second and then I am ROFLing my way into understanding today's relationships.

What I am starting to have a firm belief on is the fact that LOVE IS NOT ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS and RELATIONSHIPS ARE NEVER ABOUT LOVE. 

Girls Are Going Two Steps Back

Now before everyone who is reading this starts feeling offended, I want to claim that I have practically nothing to do with your personal choices. You have the right to exercise whatever you like and I may also have the right to comment or observe or even contemplate as a sane member of the society- a writer.

I am writing this post almost feverishly, quite annoyed by the fact that my generation is going two steps back instead of one step forward. Now, you can call me a liberal. A girl educated in an 'ICSE' school with a family that supports women's careers before they start saving for their dowry, I was never someone who believed that finding a boy or getting married is the ultimate goal of my life. Of course, every girls has a thing for romantic notions but then I am talking about life's callings, life's ultimate goal.

As a 24 year old young woman who is almost touching the 'silvery' 25 next month, I am consistently being asked a question - 'when are you getting married?' I mean, seriously? Why do you even bother? My family, even my distant relatives are not bothered about it. But yes, people I know outside these two circles are posing a question. A couple of years ago, all we were bothered about was 'who gets the best job?' and look at what is happening today, all that we are concerned about is marriage.

Now people say that there is a 'right age' for getting married and that you should not be waiting for too long. One of my friends even suggested that getting married and pregnant before you are 25 is a better option as a female's eggs start to mutate after a particular age. All scientific thing. On the other hand, there is a societal notion that getting married soon and having babies before you are, say 26-27, is better. I hope all of them are correct and I also hope that it is okay to get married around 25 but I feel so uncomfortable about this whole idea of marriage.

So girls around me are getting married or are getting desperate about marriage. Some of them are choosing whatever the best they could afford at the moment while others who always believed in fairy tale romances are now looking for a groom who could sustain a family. Men are being judged on their ability to earn and women are being judged on their beauty and the income of their fathers. YES! Come on, we all know it.

It looks like someone has hit a panic button in these women because of which they are going totally crazy about getting married. I don't know if they really want to get married or not. I am not even sure that girls who suggest that they want to 'WORK AND EARN' are secretly wishing they found a well settled husband and live a comfortable life with him or not. I am not sure at all.

I believed that we were growing up in a generation where age was no restriction or even a compulsion for marriage. I thought that I could take my time, get a good career and earn a lot of money which I would spend on a world tour before finding a chap I would like to 'settle down' with. Now, everywhere I look, I find cool 30 something guys who want to hang out with like-minded women but have a wife and children at home.

I find 30 something women who tell me that they once had 'this ambition, that wish' that could not be fulfilled because they got married. Strange thing is that none of these people were married against their wish. All of them had a very lavish and happy marriage ceremony, yes ceremony. I am not saying a happy marriage because I hardly know a thing about their relationships.

I don't feel awkward when girls my age, my cousin sisters and even my friends get married. It is all cool you know. You make a decision and you think that you could be happy with it. No hard feelings. But, I feel extremely awkward and totally uncomfortable when I see these young women adopting the entire names of their husbands. How, okay, let's pick up two very common names here, all fictitious of course.

The girl's name is Neha Verma and the boy's name is Ajay Sharma. There was this trend where girls used to totally get rid of their maiden surname and use their husband's family name instead. Like if the girl in my example got married, she would be called Neha Sharma. Okay, fine. I can digest. Cool.

Then there came a trend where girls refused to drop their maiden surname but did not mind adding their husband's family name. So in the second case, the girl will be called Neha Verma Sharma. Yeah! Sounds funny but that is it. Fine. I can still digest.

Then came this weird trend of adopting the entire names of their husbands. In this example, the girl would be called Neha Ajay Sharma. Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? I know some people will claim that this is the tradition way that a woman should use the name of her husband, blah blah blah! But I personally feel very offended. No I am not a feminazi but come on girls, I hope life would have been better than that. My Facebook timeline is filled with women who have changed their names this way and it is as annoying as it could be.

It is like losing your identity. Yes, you love your husband. I understand that. But what way is this to show love, women? I am really annoyed with posts like 'my first karvachauth with my dear hubby'.

Were we not raised to be women who loved their husbands dearly but knew that fasting for one day is no show of love and never, ever enhances their longevity in any given case?

Were we not raised to be women who knew that we could happily balance work and life if we wanted to?

Were we not women who were told that soap operas are merely bullshit that comes out of the minds of money mongering people who know nothing about production values?

Were we not made to believe that we have an identity?

I feel sick of these karvachauths. I feel tired of these elaborate displays of affection. I am genuinely scared of the kind of love that we are spreading in this generation. I feel deeply saddened that we are living a life that depends on Facebook and Instagram likes.