Sunday, 21 February 2016

India Needs Nationalism... Softer Nationalism

I am not opposed to nationalism and will never be. Was born into a tradition that believed India to be the greatest nation in the world. We have been taught about the 'Sone ki chidiya' that once enlightened the world with its wealth of knowledge and showed military excellence too. We were taught that the nation is more diverse than the colors on the spectrum and what binds us all is that one word, one blood that runs through our veins- India. We were taught that our India is the greatest and the best. Nothing compares to India. No matter how far away you are from India, you will always love its 'mitti ki khusbu'. Everything about India needs to be loved.

However, the nationalism that we are witnessing on television and social media everyday is not the kind of nationalism I support. Since when did silencing those who dissent became nationalism. Our country was great in the past but currently, we are a developing nation that is plagued by hundreds of problems. We are a nation that still needs to focus on poverty, unemployment, farmers committing suicides, women being raped and men being forced to bribe for a better future. We have to uplift millions who do not get a morsel to eat. We have to uplift millions more who were oppressed for being dalit. We have to be more respectful to the people who fought for Indian Independence and even more respectful to the people who helped the infant nation crawl while several other economies were being born (and failing) every other day.

My country needs nationalism. We need nationalism that is softer and more constructive. We need nationalism that helps us in being better humans. We need to ensure that we always focus on the future. The people who are finding flaws with everyone who does not agree with the government and calling them anti-nationals, probably do not understand that we are not living in the 1970s. At this moment, India is one of the most sought-after economic destinations in the world (it could at least strive to become so). The world watches India closely. They are keeping an eye of how this nation handles its problems. If we fail as a nation and keep fighting with each other, we will put a black spot on our hard earned reputation

So why do we still need nationalism?

We need nationalism because it is important for a nation like ours to stay united. However, nationalism should never be confused with homogeneity. We can expect all the people living on this land to feel India with every heartbeat but we cannot dictate their lives. We should let everyone be. Let them live in peace and exercise whatever religion they follow. Ideologies are never destructive unless they lock horns with other ideologies. As a matter of fact, this nationalism binds us together but does not strangle us.

Nationalist and not strong, you must be kidding?

No I am not kidding. I am serious about what I say. Our nationalism should be about working together. Our nationalism should be about working twice as hard to enhance the GDP of the nation. Our nationalism should be introducing tax measures that does not burden our citizens. Our nationalism should be about making every child, every adult of the nation and also our tourists feel safe in our boundaries. Our nationalism should be about increasing production, being industrious, helping our farmers, giving a helping hand to the downtrodden and enlightening at least one person to love the nation that they are born in. This nationalism is not forced down our throat. This nationalism becomes the environment that we thrive in and helps us in making India shine in the true sense of the word.

My mother used to tell me that a nation like Japan excelled in so many areas simply because of an industrious workforce. They did not excel because they belonged to a certain religion or caste, they excelled because they got down to work. Germany could rebuild itself because of people. What about our people? Our students are not being trained well, our new workforce is not well educated despite spending lakhs and our old workforce has not been able to completely update itself. While we are busy shouting about our nationalism on Twitter and Facebook, our the 'people' who are building India are silently working. They are doing their bit to make millions proud while you and me shout, scream and proclaim we are nationalists while we are bunking schools, colleges and ditching our work. Who are you kidding? 

Saturday, 20 February 2016

We Can Make A Choice

So it was only a few hours ago that I was talking about being a dependent personality and suffering from self-victimization behavior. I was reading the post just now and realized how so many women around me are partly indulging in this behavior and becoming something they are not. I won't suggest that I have never done this. I have for sure. I have also become clingy, posssessive and jealous for a short moment in time before I shrugged it all off and asked everyone to f*** off so I can focus on my goals. 

Is it inherent in us, as women, to feel like a victim? Has it been ingrained in women to feel like they can easily fall prey to anything and everything? Yes, we are delicate flowers. Yes, we like to ensure that we stay happy and also try our best to keep everyone around us happy. Yes, we want the good things in life. But does that delicate sweetness of a woman necessarily needs to be accompanied by a sense of victimization. It is partly because women are often considered victims of their family, their friends, their boyfriends, husbands, kids, in-laws... everyone. It is partly because only a small number of women get to make a choice. Only a very small number. 

Making choices can be so difficult. On many occasions, a woman's choice will certainly piss someone off. That someone will be very close to her. The poor woman will certainly give a thought to the dissent and suddenly, she has transformed into a victim. A man, on so many occasions, gets to make a choice for his life and not be accountable or answerable for it. Not saying that things don't happen otherwise but look at the structure of any middle class Indian family and you will see how true these words are. 

We can make a choice. Who asked us to keep everyone happy all the time? Who asked us to look after everyone? Who asked us to pay heed to every opinion we come across and then silently cry on our beds with our teddy bears meekly trying to hug us back while we are clinching our fists, trying to cope with us a situation. I hope we all can make a choice and stop being a victim. Feminism of the west has given us nothing I say. They have killed the dignity of a woman and turned her into an object. Nobody respects a woman with brains unless her brains are used to seduce a rich man to marry her. Women with brains are not welcome. Women with big butts are surely welcome everywhere. Work out to get that booty in shape while I go and work on.... well, I will work on work. 

Come On, Woman!

Talking about self victimization today and realizing how all of my examples (or my real life experiences with such victimization) are connected only with women. Yes, i mean women and women alone. There is not a single instance I can recall at the moment where a man played the role of a victim. The reasons could be many. Firstly, men rarely if ever are so emotional if they talk and secondly, it could be unmanly to be the victim. So I am not assuming directly that being a victim is a womanly thing to do. However, it is quite possible that the roots of such victimization are deep in our culture. Anyway, not talking much about the background, here we go and talk about the things that matter more.

The 'Victim' Behavior

As far as I see, self victimization is less about 'being' the victim and more about 'playing' the victim. I have come across so many people who are completely healthy, fit and have a good life but would not leave a chance to suggest and even to prove that they are a victim to their circumstances or to the people around them. Maybe one day (about 20 years ago) her father forgot something significant. Maybe today her husband did not come back home smiling. Maybe her kids are simply stressed out with their studies, exams and jobs and just don't feel like talking at the moment. The victim will instantly believe that it is about her. She has probably done something wrong. More often, they have done something wrong to her because she does not deserve to be treated well. Yes, all these thoughts pass through her mind.

The victim thinks that everything that is going on around her is simply to let her down. She controls nothing around her and this is why she is being dragged around in any direction that the people around her wish to. You simply cannot give her power for she will want this power to be exercised by someone else. It is always the other person who has to take a decision for her. She cannot decide anything on her own. She feels left behind most of the time and would even indulge in some kind of reckless and absolutely senseless behavior just to believe that she is a part of the group. Often, when facing a situation that needs firm decision making, she would end up taking the wrong decision simply because playing the victim is easier than being the controller. She has done this all the time and she is aware of the ins and outs of the game.

She blames herself for everything and needs constant reassurance that she is loved and wanted. No matter what you do for her, it will never be enough. Maybe you died for her. You did the wrong thing. You should have lived to make yourself look like a miserable existence. She will find ways to find faults with herself. This woman has a keen eye for faults. The good news is that she finds faults in herself as easily as she finds them with others. The sad part is that most of these faults are imaginary. The bittersweet relationship that you will have with her becomes a downward spiral. Most of the times, she is depressed. As time passes by, it becomes difficult by the day to drag her out of this spiral. You either want a relief away from her or you simply enter the spiral yourself. Some people would prefer to speak out openly about this. The victim will stop playing the victim openly. She will still be the same from the inside.

Why A Victim?

Some experts blame it on genetics while some others consider it a part of the Dependent Personality Disorder affected by circumstances. I personally support the latter. Some people are definitely more dependent on others for keeping them happy (and sad). Imagine being with someone who would be happy when you pay attention to them and do nothing for them but turns extremely negative when you move your eyes. Sometimes, they become possessive and it is difficult to let things go. A couple of women I know who clearly exhibit this victimization are born and raised in families where being self dependent or taking independent decisions for life is not the norm. In fact, the parents also exhibit a very weird personality. On one hand, they are extremely controlling and protecting when it comes to their children. On the other hand, they are meek and submissive and cannot take the right decisions for themselves. The children, who are raised by such parents often end up taking a few decisions for themselves. Most of the times they are wrong. However, in general, the kids too are extremely dependent on someone for their happiness.

The dependency is such that rests on one or maybe a couple of people at a time. There is never a full span of attention. They focus their entire energy on one person or a couple of people at one time. Occasionally, their minds would digress and they would try to find solace in the sympathizing words of a another person but they would again like to come back to the stronger personality to lean on. After all, not needing anyone (including the victim) is also a sign of strength and this draws them towards that person. No wonder, a lot of women stay in abusive relationships even when they can leave simply because they love the thrill or dependency on a very strong (however forceful and abusive) personality. They like to stay close to a person who is quick, harsh and focused because they know that they cannot do this on their own.

Playing a victim also helps you in steering clear of the blame on most occasions. Imagine, being a part of everything without having to take the blame for anything that goes wrong. A victim, in her senses or not, wants to steer clear of responsibilities and answerability. On most occasions, you will find a person with such a dependent and self-victimizing personality working on jobs that do not let them take on a huge responsibility. They like doing the chores and have absolutely no problem in fitting into a mechanical routine. Moreover, the dependent and self-victimizing personalities I know are passive aggressive as well. They could end up being somewhat manipulative too. They get quickly attached to the stronger personalities around them and when they are rejected by them, they feel ill at ease. They may get depressed.

An inherent depression is always present in a self-victimizing person. Small bouts of this depression appear when they are focusing their attention on someone and do not get as much back. The depression is mostly in full swing when they are left desolate or rejected. Such a person needs help. The worst thing is that they are extremely clingy as well. They can cling to someone who helps them. If it is the opposite gender, they can quickly assume that the help is love and then problems will be given an open invitation to wreck a havoc in their lives.

In the end, they become what they thought they are in the first place - A VICTIM.

Saturday, 26 September 2015

Periods, Mothafu****

So what is the biggest, biggest problem with PCOS? Periods. Yeah! Aunt Flo is always angry when you have PCOS. For some women, she is hyperactive and for the rest… she prefers not to visit them often. Who am I? I used to be the one who was visited by her for 3 days in a 28 day cycle. She did not bother me a bit and went as easily as she came. Everything was cool. Now, we have developed a love-hate relationship. She visits less often and makes sure that she gives me some real painful and irritating time all the while. 

So without going into further details, let us discuss what you can do in order to make your dear Aunty visit frequently and also make her stay more bearable. Remember, no medications, no playing with the hormones and no unnecessary BS. Follow these simple rules for the beginning. They would prime your body for a better period and would also help to regularize them. Let’s get started. 

·         M2 Tone Syrup

this is an ayurvedic syrup that would work like magic in making your periods more regular. Have used this syrup and it seriously works. Though M2 Tone is also available in tablet form, the syrup is always the better choice. You would find it in any ayurvedic medication store and even general drug stores keep it. The syrup needs to be taken 2-3 times a day (one spoonful). I would suggest you start with 1 spoonful, twice a day after meals. 

The syrup was suggested by an ayurvedic doctor, who has been practicing for 40 years now and he was so right about things. Your cycles would become regular and you would notice visible changes in your periods within 3 months only. Consume for 6 months straight for good results. I was not able to continue for more than 3 months in a row last year. However, this time, I am quite determined to continue for 6 months. 

·        Vajrasana

Vajrasana is done after you have had food. Vajrasana after the breakfast, lunch or dinner for as long as you can maintain the asan would be a great choice. This asana is very simple. You just have to sit with your knees bent (quite the way you see Japanese people sit at their homes, watch Doraemon to see how Nobita’s mother sits while calculating the bills to get an idea or just watch a Youtube video). It is simple, but it is quite difficult to sit in that position for long in the beginning. Don’t worry, practice would make you perfect. Vajrasana would not only help with digestion but would also help in your periods. 

These two tips would help you get started. So make sure that you start inculcating these two things in your lifestyle. You would soon start getting great results for sure. Try it at least for one month to get the best results. I will discuss the rest of the tips later. Don’t consume too much information and just follow these two tips religiously. They would really help you.